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Wrong Family
comedyEveryone5 contributors · 5 paragraphs deep
Me: "It's a surprise." Wrong answer. Auntie Shazia: "This family does not do surprises. Not since the fruit." Uncle Tariq started a poll: "Trust the new number's surprise dessert? YES / NO." The votes came in live. I sat there watching strangers vote on whether they believed in me.
The poll ended 9 to 5. YES. Nine strangers believed in me. Uncle Tariq: "Fine. But if this goes like the fruit, you're finished." Sunday, I walked in with a three-layer trifle I had practiced twice. Silence. Then Grandma held up her phone and took a photo of it. She has never once photographed Uncle Tariq's kebabs. He brings it up every single week. I am never leaving this family.
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